Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Because i dream

Sometimes I dream when I'm awake, about award speeches and magazine interviews. In those times, I practice the things I tell, because I don't want to regret things I might say. I don't want to leave out anyone I mean to thank. Tracing the events that led to where I am is getting trickier by the season. This, for instance, was an opportunity I only heard about because I'd been somewhat active in an online writer's group which I was only invited to because I tried to apply myself during a web party for a book release. And that's one of the shorter lists of degrees of separation.

And that's where I've been over the last few days. With a two-week window, and their openness to accepting any manuscript of the genres they're looking for, I'm putting all my feet forward, and I'm doing my best to make sure they can be as good as they can be. Needless to say, work on the current project took a hiatus briefly. Submissions to agents are out, naturally, but I won't be stopping to wait on those rejections when an opportunity like this has fallen into my lap. Because sometimes I dream when I'm awake, about it all crashing down and having been for naught. I don't want any regrets in that situation either. I don't want to look back and say I didn't give every superhuman effort, because no one knows to what extent luck plays, and to what extent hard work actually pays off.

And that's why I've been working on a different promo opportunity as well. Hallow's Eve approaches, and on one of the lists I belong an opportunity arose where I could promote my work, provided it was paranormal. I can't say if such things pop up more often and I just ignore them, or if I was just paying more attention in this case. Either way, I signed up, even before I had an idea of what I'd write about. I just knew that I should be making more of an effort, in general. So today I'm writing. It isn't exciting, and it isn't my best, but hopefully it will be another stone in the road taking me where I belong.

I say belong, now, because going back to look at my work, I discovered renewed belief in myself. Words from friends has helped a great deal, too, their hands in my back, but as I went through the pages, followed the story, some of the doubt began to slip away from me. I still have loads to spare, naturally, but when you're being crushed beneath a weight, even a handful of earth removed from the pile can make a miracle's difference. This is the first time I've had more to say, but will cut things short. It would be nice to throw my thoughts concerning the science fiction author's role in guiding the future into the void of blog-dom, but alas.

I've got work to do.

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