A few pillows closer
I won't say eureka, but after working somewhat extensively today on both the synopsis and the short story, I got both to places I can be happy with.
This is the new first paragraph:
The footsteps didn’t wake him. They unsettled the wooden planks that made up the dusty flooring, first ones farther away, then ones closer. The wood was aware of the people’s walking before their boots arrived, like they were walking behind their own shadows. When the door opened, they were behind their own shadows. Dark fingers reached across the room. He couldn’t wedge himself any farther into the corner of his cell. The light flashed between the figures’ shoulders. In the dream, Rupert screamed, but really, all he did was start awake.
This is much, much closer to what I wanted. It still establishes the notion of the dream, yet it allows for a double interpretation of the reality the character wakes into. There are sights and sounds that say other, but he wakes up in a recognizable, terrestrial place.
And while I did work on the synopsis, I am not as happy with it. I do feel as done with it, however. I opened the file today and I read through the details, and it seemed fine. I say seemed because reading it, feeling satisfied, made me suspicious of my own feeling. It was bizarre, to feel lured into any kind of sense of security because it was actually good enough to send off. Or maybe I'm just tired.
Certainly, I am ending this blog here, in lieu of sleep.
This is the new first paragraph:
The footsteps didn’t wake him. They unsettled the wooden planks that made up the dusty flooring, first ones farther away, then ones closer. The wood was aware of the people’s walking before their boots arrived, like they were walking behind their own shadows. When the door opened, they were behind their own shadows. Dark fingers reached across the room. He couldn’t wedge himself any farther into the corner of his cell. The light flashed between the figures’ shoulders. In the dream, Rupert screamed, but really, all he did was start awake.
This is much, much closer to what I wanted. It still establishes the notion of the dream, yet it allows for a double interpretation of the reality the character wakes into. There are sights and sounds that say other, but he wakes up in a recognizable, terrestrial place.
And while I did work on the synopsis, I am not as happy with it. I do feel as done with it, however. I opened the file today and I read through the details, and it seemed fine. I say seemed because reading it, feeling satisfied, made me suspicious of my own feeling. It was bizarre, to feel lured into any kind of sense of security because it was actually good enough to send off. Or maybe I'm just tired.
Certainly, I am ending this blog here, in lieu of sleep.
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