Thought-Drive

  For the past few years, summer work in education has not been anything like the benefit assumed by people who don’t work in the industry. “Getting summers off” is largely a K12 idea, and even then the season is made busy by other things, like material rushing into a vacuum. Time finds a way to spend itself. However, this week, today, I discovered a wellspring of time that I could reasonably project forward as lighter, open even. So, among other things, it felt appropriate to provide an update. I came back from my first official professional vacation with a lot of understanding for when I would hear other people “working themselves back” or “getting used to being in the office again.” I had work waiting for me, more than there would have been had I not taken the time off, but it was very easy to accept that such was the tradeoff. It was good to see friends, perhaps even better to be seen by friends. As the echoes of the train ride died down, I was able to separate the parts I en...

  I was given cause recently to ponder on impact with regard to time. It’s been a theme that has echoed repeatedly recently, and it gave me a greater appreciation for consistency, beyond all the other important characteristics that contribute to success.  I was waiting for an order at a restaurant, on one of the rare occasions I was moving outside my comfort zone. I was looking at the colorful decorations and bombastic menu and the busy workers in the back. The person that took my order walked from behind the counter and over to me directly and asked if I had worked in education. The question made me wonder at our recent interaction, my asking about the menu and other details. I told him I did currently, and as I was speaking I realized I had to admit I had been in and around education for some 17 years. He asked if I had ever worked for a certain school, and I admitted I had, then all of his reservation disassembled into comfort and familiarity. He knew it. He knew he recogni...

  It’s been long enough that I can’t remember my childhood holiday breaks, to compare them to the ones flashing by now. Checking my calendar, I feel a little betrayed by the me of last month and my then work-focused mindset. The way the days land, this will be the first time ever either being in school or working in education that I won’t be off for two whole weeks. I don’t need a keen memory for that. Despite the betrayal, the same me from last month also committed to working on book 8, and taking a big chunk out of the work needing doing. And despite the betrayal, I will be honoring that. Around that same ambitious time, I opened my amazon dashboard, the cover for book 7 hovering in a different window, ready to put out another book. When I tracked the breadcrumbs, I was surprised to find that I hadn’t even finished with book 6. The frustrating interface that has haunted me these past few years was staring me in the face, taunting me with how the image I had submitted was micron...

  Progress has slowed on getting the audio books out, for the Worlds Beside series, at least. I took a beat and developed a plan for the next few steps. I still need cover work for book 8, and I need a producer for book 3 and others (I’d like to stick with my original actor to wrap the series). All signs point to my trying to tap into some sort of crowdfunding. I think I’d like to offer a 4 book bundle, which would be the first half of the series, the audio versions as well, and if I could, probably set a mark that would allow for special art for the bundle. The plan calls for eating the voicework for book 3, which would be very difficult, but the crowdfunding plan would be even more challenging, so there’s that. In the meantime, I was fortunate enough to be invited to speak at a local high school about world building. Right about now is when I realize it would’ve been good to have taken some pictures. Oops. Regardless, thank you Dekalb School of the Arts. My own interests aside, ...

  Rather than saying that I lapsed in posting again, I think at this point it would healthier to admit that I just have a difficulty with blogging. And, I’ve learned, social media of any kind, really. I just don’t get it. To date, I have an Instagram account, where I have posted some of my poetry, and looking back at everything I did, it makes me feel slightly accomplished that to see it all requires scrolling. That makes me feel good. And I have Threads, which I’m still not sure if it’s different, or the same, or how it connects, or even how users really make it work. I have a friend who peppers me with posts from various places, and sometimes it’s from there. She encouraged me to make posts, and in so doing I have seen others’ efforts. It seems to be a nice forum, to sort of create an idea and get feedback in the form of replies. I tried it, and based on the silence, I feel like I did something wrong. And that’s been kind of the overwhelming sentiment from all of this. I have the...

  This winter I set out to produce the audio book version of the first novel in my supernatural series. I had been feeling for years that there was something denying the book from connecting with people. I wasn’t yet prepared to accept that it simply wasn’t good enough. Even from people who did read it, there were lingering comments like “it takes a moment to adjust” in reference to my writing style, which was always compared to “older” and “more classical” schemes. That was what I fixated on when people would disappear. When I would give them a copy with an agreement that they would review it, and they would vanish, or they would remain and the book would sink into nothing. Someone had asked, not just the once, if I had an audio version that they could listen to. And last winter, my goal was to be able to answer yes to that question. Here it is spring, very near my birthday, and I can finally say that it is done, available and official , some four months after when I had intende...

 Nine months. That must be some kind of record for me. If I was the type to read into things, I might note that it's also the time it takes to make a new human from scratch.  I'm here puzzling through the audio book process, wishing I had practiced better organizational habits. As per usual, I'm learning a lot between sighs, as if the despondent air displaces to make room for the more useful knowledge.  Entering the process, my focus diffuses, like the thrust of a good night's rest striking a solid river boulder. I find old pictures in search of cover art, delete some and make mental notes to share others. I find old files in search of manuscripts, and work briefly on book blurbs. I frown and I groan and I thrash.  All of which to say, progress. My cover artist is graduating college, which is a proud moment. Work on the 6th cover has been delayed for a variety of reasons, and ultimately I take accountability for some of it as well. The edits have gone poorly, most no...

 I talked somewhat about how good the communication has been between my cover artist and myself. That's probably an oversimplification, because his posts on social media really outline how much he works on all aspects of his process. This refers to how hard he works, but also how well. This next cover will be the sixth cover of eight, and I feel very fortunate that we've been able to keep things together for years at this point, given the consistently increasing amount of opportunities that he gets, year after year, as he earns more exposure and recognition. I feel very confident I will be one of those people who might say "I knew him back when," and people may not even believe me.  In regards to process, things were very sloppy for the first cover. Our language wasn't very synced, nor did he have a great idea of what he needed from me to begin producing, nor did I have a way to really understand how my own words percolated into his artwork. I showed a potential ...

 I've discovered there is a point where even Facebook will give up on you.  I last posted in February. I guess around March I was reminded that I hadn't posted in a while. Maybe I got another reminder in April, but even then, I could tell that the robots were fed up. I would've been, too. I wasn't sulking; I might have even questioned what the use would've been, but that would've just been untrue. It's virtually impossible to say why, but for whatever reason I had a mysterious, steady few periods of royalty payments. I got an email from Amazon, then another, then another. I found it all very suspicious, and strangely was too busy with other work to really pay attention. I took a diligent moment to thank my luck, be grateful for readers, and then went about trying not to drown at my new job. I didn't think at all to blog.  And that's not why I'm writing now, either. I'm writing now because a thought I had been gnawing on for months, years, fin...

  I saw friends the other day that I hadn’t seen in months. Their surprise that I had drastically changed my hair style was like a gauge for time. I remembered warmer weather and fireworks. I remembered that I had cut my hair around the time that I started the new job. I’d like to say somewhere in there I also remembered when I had last blogged, but that would be a lie.   But it would be true if I said I had been writing. Not true in the sideways sense that the next rewrite is coming along, which it is, or in a distracted sense in that the 5 th  book is out and available for purchase , which it is, but in the pure sense that I had the idea of something new, and started pecking away at it, and have put a dozen or so thousand words onto paper.   Combined with the work schedule, which is on its way to becoming routine, it is a grind. I don’t have a lot of excess energy for it, though I have identified time to devote, but consistently nearing E on my fuel tank has led to...

 I have an update, if brief.  This cover comprises the best collaboration between my artist and I thus far. I imagined this situation about a decade ago. I didn't realize it was unrealistic at the time, but what I wanted was for the artist to read the work to develop a conversation, from which would come an image that would benefit from their creativity and their intimate understanding. To his credit, he did start my first book, which is more than I could probably ask for. But we did have that conversation. I substituted his reading with my explaining, themes, metaphors, allusions, foreshadowing. He did have questions. He did go away and come back and the sketch brought to light some of the perspectives I wasn't considering, which is really all I wanted the whole time. So, the work continues.  I'm also writing this because not everyone has platforms, and I think it is important to speak for the better, no matter how tall ours may be. A friend brought this to my attentio...

 A while back, years, I explained how my first book series came about. At least, I think I did. Eight books were the result of a process set purely on following the story. I didn't so much have an outline as events I anticipated from various protagonists pursuing their wants. A mentor once told me to progress a story all one has to do is move a character closer or farther away from their goal. This contraction and expansion idea has become a bit more complex and nuanced over the years, but in the beginning that's all it was for me. That's how I ended up with eight books. After the first book, it made the most narrative sense for the characters to go in different physical directions. I was not so much energetic as curious, so I followed along. Those three books gained sequels of their own, before things bent back on themselves narratively and wrapped up with the eighth book. When it came time to release them, I did not have the luxury of choosing to put them out simultaneous...

 In 2007, I was gifted my first glut of free mental space in years. I had graduated college, and before all the stresses of adult life had fully taken root, I reveled in the freedom from all the stressors of college life. I hung out a lot at a new friend's rented home. I say new because these were not the people I had met in college; these were my first post-college friends. Eventually, upon sharing present and past interests, I was introduced to a supernatural show that "everyone" had seen and "thought was awesome." I never had, but with the entire box set being pushed at me, I eventually relented and started watching them. I ended up in a place that was very reminiscent of where I was in 2000, when I started a journey through what I called the door-stop fantasy novels: brick-shaped, popular fantasy series that were very popular at the time, the kinds of things that have become very popular television shows in the past decade. At the time, in 2000, the foremost...

 Facebook informs me I haven't posted to my page in a while. That must mean it's been an extra long while.  I haven't done a good job juggling my online presence. For a bit there, I was using Instagram about once week, definitely once every other week. I felt good about that, and really good that I can't completely recall all the work I've posted there. I saw an interview once with a navy S.E.A.L. about the work and the rigor, and he explained that looking far down the road can make the task seem overwhelming, so his advice was instead to focus only on the next step. Then the next step. Then the next. I like it, but maybe I agree because it fits my process.  Speaking of, I had a conversation with my cover artist, and that went really productively. I continue to be amazed at his progress. He told me talking things out with his clients helped him develop ideas in his mind. I told him I wanted to do whatever I could to take advantage of the energy I saw in some of his...

The cover came in this week, and the fact of the matter is I was not ready. So, in lieu of putting down my thoughts about how all of that is going, I will instead be elsewhere, making it go. 

 I have this friend. He's been an easy target for chiding over the years because of his inability to multi-task. When he sends an email, he needs peace and quiet, no side conversations, no texting. When he goes out to eat (when people used to do that) carrying on a conversation would be nigh impossible if there was a television that he could see. And despite this well documented inability, he has the most varied list of hobbies of almost anyone I know. He writes and plays music, belongs to an off-roading club for which he maintains a capable vehicle, rides a motorcycle, hikes, and plays video games. Or, he did (referring to children this time, not the pandemic). I always felt like he would've been happier, felt less stretched, if he had found a way to focus on one thing.  I wouldn't say I lost myself in my humble little Instagram project , but concentrating on that did make me lose sight of blogging. I guess I only have so many spoons for social media. Difficulty entraps me...

 It says I haven't posted in some weeks, but unlike a lot of other times this year, I don't have to invent writing that I was thinking about doing. I don't have to wonder if thinking about writing is the same as actually putting words down, if editing and brainstorming and outlining well help throw off the specter of stagnation. Seven weeks ago I felt good about the critical mass of story notes and setting detail and decided to see how far into it I could get. The story was kind of a continuation of a short story I penned last year. I cannot recall what the impetus was for that piece; honestly, I will admit that I don't even know where I saved it. Regardless, it had a similar premise, and it got my attention because despite everything else that was going on, it kept my attention. And now I am working on chapter seven.  It felt really good to read back through everything, adjust the outline, flesh in some notes, make some decisions, and some gambles for the long term, an...

 My time on websites like YouTube was limited once upon a time, but over the years, as technology advanced, I came to rely on it as the primary research tool for "Hey did you see-" type inquiries. From wildlife videos to news clips to movie trailers to comedy skits, it is a time sink. I learn things every day, and a lot of that education is dispensed through the platform. And I sunk deep enough recently to discover the existence of content creators, and that some of the content is video of people responding to other people's content. Reality folds back on itself. But something useful came out of it, too, which was a growing confidence in my getting back out there, into attempting to promote myself. A co-worker is starting a business. We work in education, and according to her, a sad reality of that is needing a second job if one wants to be an educator, long-term. We discussed all of what she's doing, and she showed me the beginnings of a website she was designing, wh...

I fell off again. I didn't get sick, or suffer any great personal tragedy. I was actually given more time to work, and with that time I managed to work even less.  For the cover art, the artist assures me he is still working, though at this point I should probably reach out and make sure he's alright. In general, I like to think that my record for messaging people is much better than average, kind of the opposite of blogging. I sketched out the cover for book 6, even though I have no idea what I'd like book 5 to look like. I'm in the same place I was some years ago, when the 5th book was put out by the publisher and the problems of management finally took their toll. The impact of effective management has been a reoccurring theme that I am not happy with with organizations I associate with.  For the writing, I finished edits on the 4th book, and started working on the 5th, when my momentum suffered the kind of setback and loss of momentum where I can't even ...

I am alive. It is unfortunate that such a thing is an even greater uncertainty in these times, and not because whatever random 90s disaster movie turned out to be true, but because of our bizarre relationship with objective truth. I haven't posted in some time, and not for lack of thinking about it. The walls of my apartment have been my world for the most part since the "virus season" began. I leave once a week for groceries, sometimes for walks, but generally my world has shrunk down to a scant few square feet. I work in this chair. I recline on that couch. Sometimes, I share time with friends through my internet connection on yet a third chair. I've learned a lot about myself, and one idea is that without work, I have little reason to go anywhere. Still, the adjustment of being forced to stay at home was difficult. I had strange dreams and stranger thoughts. I wrote a short story , and had the idea to write more, to get together with other writers and commit t...